Supportive Services Offered

Services are tailored for you with a focus on meeting you where you are. Each respective service or package is pre-paid. Payment options are available, such as sliding scale, and can be discussed so all individuals and communities may have fair access
to these services.

End Of Life Doula Services and Packages

• Initial Consultation

   One hour for us to meet and see how I can support you. 
  
  {FREE}
  
  
  

 

• Legacy Projects 
  

  Legacy is about life and living. It’s about learning from the past, living in the present, and building for the future. Legacy is fundamental to what it is to be human. Research shows that without a sense of working to create a legacy, adults lose meaning in their life. Exploring the idea of legacy offers a glimpse not only into human relationships and building strong communities, but also the human spirit.
  
  The idea of legacy may remind us of death, but it’s not about death. Being reminded of death can actually be a good thing because death informs life. It gives you a perspective on what’s important. But legacy is really about life and living. It helps us decide the kind of life we want to live and the kind of world we want to live in.
  
  The world isn’t connected by molecules. It’s connected by stories, traditions, memories, hopes, and dreams. We are connected by the legacies passed down from those who came before us and the legacies we pass down to those who come after us. For children, legacy means learning from the past. When we tell them our life stories and our choices and how we made our decisions … that’s the way you get children to learn from you and about you. For adults, legacy means hoping for the future. It means developing and passing on a timeless part of yourself. We feel valued and useful no matter how old we get.
  
  Legacy Projects can be created during any phase of life, or even after your loved one has died.

What I can provide you:

• • A list of do-it-yourself Legacy Projects, of which many ideas are creative and artistic (e.g., collages, crafted objects, photo journals).
  • A simple exercise tool that you and your loved ones can use individually, or together, then share (optional) with one another.
  • Helpful resource links for a variety of other professional services such as: converting VHS tapes, or even 8mm film, to DVDs (family movies or picture slideshows are good examples of Legacies; this business is located in central NC); legacy-preserving websites where you can send messages, images, videos, and gifts to the ones you love in the present and future; and lists of even more legacy ideas

Included: the all-of-the-above list; one phone call up to an hour for Legacy Project Q&A, brainstorming, and/or insights; and a second phone or video call (up to 30 minutes) to visually review the Legacy Projects you’ve created and to close our work session. For continued support and guidance on your Legacy Project(s), you can purchase additional hourly sessions (email and/or phone call) for $50.

COST: {$100}

• Life Review / Interview 

  Talking about our lives is how we learn more about ourselves, others, and life. We live our lives forward, but we understand them backward. When you see a good movie or read a great book, you often want to see or read it again. Older people also want to “read over” or “see” parts of their lives again. In looking back, we can identify turning points or dynamic events, clarify and organize our thinking about life, make sense of events, and enrich the meaning of our life story. We see how the story of our life has turned out – then change what we can for the future and accept the rest. This process of “looking back” is formally called “life review.”

  Informal (simply reminiscing) or formal (an interview) Life Review offers a number of benefits for both young and old. It creates a sense of continuity, linking the past with the present. It preserves family history and is a way to pass on family stories and traditions. It combats the isolation and sense of loss that may come with growing older. It builds self-esteem in those doing the telling and those doing the listening. A Life Review promotes intergenerational interaction and understanding.

What I will provide so you may enjoy conducting the interview at your own pace:

• • Tips for doing a Life Review Interview.
  • Life Interview questions (a list of over 100 to use or choose from) that span a lifetime from childhood to adulthood (family, ancestors, schools, hobbies, vacations, favorite things, challenges, et al), that address the present (hobbies, special interests, hopes, et al), and that can illuminate life lessons and influential experiences they had.
  • A Life Story Interview template that can be printed: 12 pages telling the life story, featuring prompts to fill-in-the-blanks (such as special occasions and significant events) and squared off blank areas for pictures to be pasted. {will need printing}

Included: the all-of-the-above list; one phone call up to an hour for Legacy Project Q&A, brainstorming, and/or insights. For continued support and guidance on your Legacy Project(s), you can purchase additional hourly sessions (email and/or phone call) for $50.

COST: {$100}

• Vigil Planning / Vigil Sitting and Plan Support

  Vigils are a reverent observance at the bedside of the dying. This is a time and place of gentleness and expression of devotion. We will prepare for the last weeks or days of your life by creating a Vigil Plan for where you want to die and how your space (room or bed area) will look, sound, smell, and feel. This is your sacred space and you get to have it just the way you want. This Plan can include: the position of your bed; placement of special objects; flowers; soft lighting and candles; what music or sounds you want to hear; which books, poetry, and sacred text you’d like read to you; essential oil aromatherapy; guided imagery visualization for calm and relaxation; and symbolic bedside rituals. Your culture, traditions, and faith will all be pertinent considerations included in your Vigil. The details of your Vigil Plan can be arranged ahead of time and prepared when you are ready.

  The Vigil Sitting Plan is initiated when death is imminent. For the Vigil Sitting Plan, we will consider the tone, attitude, and intentions to be held at your bedside, and address who can visit you, how many can visit at a time, and how often. You may choose who is with you during your last hours, and who will be with you during your last breath.

COST: Planning {$300}

 

If you would like for me to sit vigil and/or be there to support the unfolding of your plans, I can be with you or in another room as others sit with you. In order to provide as much support as you would like during the vigil, additional local, trained End Of Life Doulas may be called in (previously vetted).

COST: Sitting and Plan Support {$50/hour pre-paid as needed per 6-hour shift}
Minimum 6  hour purchase

• Reprocessing and Early Grief 

  This service can provide support immediately after death. End Of Life Doulas can aid the family in processing emotions and experiences after the person has died, and guide them in their early grief. For example, a Doula might conduct a closing ritual similar to what a chaplain would, such as the Bedside Memorial Service. Guidance can be for something very specific that the patient and family requested such as holding hands while telling their favorite memories, covering the body with flowers, or bathing the body together. Guided imagery can soothingly be included during this sacred time. I have taken a separate 16-hour course taught by the Portland Institute for Loss and Transition, “Grief and the Quest for Meaning,” which taught me additional tools to further support you. Further, I have studied ritual practices for end-of-life that can be applied to any religious or spiritual tradition. You will receive a check-in call, or visit if possible, 3- or 4-weeks after the death so the experience can further be processed if you choose. I can provide you grief support resources at that time as well. We will review these various options so you may choose which are best suited for your needs. The cost will be based on the choices made.

COST: Starting at {$100} 

• Caregiver Support / Respite Care 

  Family members and loved ones of the dying suffer in their own ways. The months or years of caregiving result in physical and emotional exhaustion. Their world narrows to the basic acts of providing medication and assisting with the tasks of daily life. In their moments of reflection, they can become overwhelmed with sadness, longing, and fear. End Of Life Doulas can support your beloved caregivers by providing physical and practical care, comfort, respite assistance, and possible light-household services.

  Respite Care is short term relief for primary caregivers. This support is available in 2- or 3-hour segments (per day). Caregivers can plan on these breaks in their duties, thus being able to take care of their life’s necessary details.

COST: {$50/hour; 2-hour minimum} (Cheryl, so how to get this one to work? Two buttons? One at 2-hour ($100) and another at 3-hour ($150)?)

2-hours – $100

 

3-hours – $150

 

 

Additional Supportive Services Outside the Scope of End Of Life Doula

• Death Café – Hillsborough

  What is a Death Café, you wonder? It is a worldwide phenomenon that has been occurring since 2011! At a Death Café, people (often strangers) gather to eat cake, drink tea, and discuss death. Our objective is “to increase awareness of death with a view to helping people make the most of their (finite) lives.” A Death Café is a group-directed discussion of death without agenda, objectives, themes, or anything being sold. It is a discussion group rather than a grief support or counselling session. Death Cafés are respectful and confidential spaces with no intention of leading people to any conclusion, product or course of action.

  Neidra started Death Café – Hillsborough (NC) in October 2018, inviting her community to come participate in enlightening conversations about death that inevitably lead many people to live their lives more fully. Interestingly, when cleaning out old personal files, she found a note written in 1998 asking if “death discussion groups” existed. The note, written to herself, also stated, “make a belief book on death, dying, add spirituality, my own epitaph and obituary!” Always willing to spread the word, Neidra offers a free presentation “What Is A Death Café?” (see below for a list of available “Presentations and Workshops”) where you will learn about its history and worldwide reach, how a typical gathering unfolds, and even participate in a mini-sized Death Café.  

  You are more than welcome to join our lively conversations! It is guaranteed you will learn something new (green burial, anyone?), perhaps even about yourself. Laughter, believe it or not, is also typically shared! Since April 2020, during these pandemic times, the Death Café – Hillsborough monthly gatherings have been held virtually on Zoom. Please contact Neidra for details.   
  
  {FREE; Registration Required}
  
   

• Home Funeral Guide

  What is a home funeral and how does a guide help? A home funeral is a family-centered, sacred means to care for your loved one in the hours or days after their death. This after-death care is directed by the family and is a family-centered response to death that allows time to honor the life of the deceased. Your loved one lays in honor for one, two, or three days in a vigil that takes place within the comforting, familiar, and deeply personal space of home. Having a home funeral may be one of the hardest things you’ll ever do and, at the same time, one of the most beautiful and meaningful. This can be a healing, helpful experience for family as well as the community of people who knew the deceased. Home vigil or visitation gives family time to be with their loved one and grieve at their own pace. Saying goodbye is gradual, very much unlike when the body is immediately taken away by strangers. A home funeral can help people gently integrate the death into their lives. Those who have had home funerals have consistently spoken about how the experience helped them tremendously in their farewell and initial grieving process.

  From the National Home Funeral Alliance (NHFA) Code of Ethics, Conduct and Practice: “A home funeral happens when a loved one is cared for at home or sacred space after death, giving family and friends time to prepare the body, file legal paperwork, and gather and grieve in private. Home funerals can be held at the family home or not. Some nursing homes, church community care groups and funeral homes may allow the family to care for the deceased after death. The emphasis is on minimal, non-invasive, and environmentally friendly care of the body. Support and assistance to carry out after-death care may come from home funeral educators or guides, but their goal is to facilitate maximum involvement of the family in charge of the funeral process, and their social network.”
  
  

During a home funeral, the family maintains control in the days following a death. It is legal in all 50 states for the family to care for their own dead at home. According to the NHFA, of which I have been a member since 2018, at the present time families can take care of everything that is necessary on their own without hiring a funeral director (in 41 states including NC). Since the beginning of the 20^th century, it has been believed that our deceased cannot be cared for at home and must be moved to a funeral home establishment. We have the legal right, we have the natural right, and it is our privilege to care for our dead just as our ancestors did for centuries. Some families blend caring for the body themselves and utilizing a funeral director for transport and other details. “Ultimately, there is no one right way to hold a funeral. Every family is unique, and there are many options available to reflect that individuality. The family-directed home funeral offers a final, loving, hands-on opportunity to honor our dead and send them on their way – in their home, surrounded by the people who love them.” —From Undertaken With Love

A Home Funeral Guide is a trained individual who supports, teaches, and empowers families in caring for their deceased loved one. In working with the family, and the person whose home funeral we are planning (if possible), a variety of details will be paid attention. Several considerations, ranging from very important to minute in nature, include where the body is going to be lain, creating the vigil space, the number of chairs needed for people to sit, and whether the body will be bathed in an elaborate ritual or with simply soap, water, and a gentle washcloth on the face and arms. Further tasks include gathering supplies for washing and dressing the body, arranging for the ways to keep the body cool, and either purchasing or making the burial or cremation container. Creating the vigil space, for example, can include family symbolism such as pictures, a special quilt or cover, soft lighting, flowers, candles, music, an open window for fresh air, and poetry and sacred text reading. 

As your Home Funeral Guide, I will empower you with education, information, and easy-to-follow checklists that are pertinent for each step in planning, arranging, and actualizing your home funeral. These include plans for deathbed care, details of care after death, care team tasks, gathering legal and important documents, the ceremony and reception, what is needed for the death certificate, as well as guidelines for obituaries and eulogies. We will meet as often as you need, virtually and/or physically, to carefully plan each step so you are comfortable with your family’s sacred ceremony. Holding a rehearsal before your loved one’s death can ease apprehension and supports participants’ understanding in how the occasion will flow. When the actual home funeral process begins, it will feel familiar. The first hour of your paid, initial meeting includes emailed files for guidance. This supportive service is completely separate from my End Of Life Doula work and has its own complimentary one-hour consultation. Please contact Neidra  to schedule your free Home Funeral Guide consultation.

COST: {$100/hour}

 

COST: {$250 per 3-hour scheduled segment}

• Certified Foot Reflexologist

  “Relax your Soul — and Give your Soles a Boost — with Foot Reflexology from Neidra!” The benefits of using the feet for healing were known to our ancestors all over the world. Pressure point massage, which forms the basis of modern foot reflexology technique, is related to the ancient practice of acupressure which dates as far back as 5000 BC in China. There are hieroglyphic references to forms of foot reflexology in ancient Egypt. The relationships between various points of the feet and internal organs were also known to Native Americans, and were used in the treatment of disease, illness, and pain. Modern reflexology has its origins at the turn of the 20^th century which includes the development of Zone Theory. Foot reflexology is the study and practice of applying a variety of hand and finger pressure techniques to specific reflexes in the feet that correspond to other parts of the body. Reflexology causes a relaxation response which is the first step in the body’s return to homeostasis = a state of balance.

  My history with Reflexology:  In the summer of 1991 at an arts and crafts festival my husband, at the time, and I were displaying and selling our jewelry. During a rare break, I walked around to the other vendors’ tables. This is when I first laid eyes upon a Foot Reflexology chart (and of course they were also selling handmade incense and natural oils! always up my alley, to this day). I bought a chart, tacked it on my bedside wall at home, and worked on myself and others including my husband after he received, two years later, a stage IV cancer diagnosis. [note: reflexology and massage can be contraindicated, partially or fully, in regards to various health situations] In 1995, I began formal studies in Reflexology with Claire Miller, and earned my Certification the following year (25 years ago!). Believing deeply in the well-known health benefits, I taught Reflexology classes in NC, VA, MD, and DC. Foot Reflexology was the hub of my first natural healing modality business, WhiteFire’s Healing Center where I coined the phrase, “You are the Healer. I am the Facilitator.” I have worked on “a thousand and one” feet. The “one foot” was of a gentleman with a partially amputated leg, who good-naturedly asked for half price for his one foot before I could even offer. My clients’ anecdotes, thank you notes, and testimonials over the years tell of incredible shifts in their overall health and repeatedly share gratitude for stress relief.   

  Each professional Foot Reflexology session with me is individually tailored to work with the flow of your holistic balance. Be pampered for 75 minutes with *organic herbal tea *soothing hand massage *calming shoulder rub *personal health survey *hot aromatherapeutic foot soak with my own crafted 7-essential oil blend, plus salts and semi-precious stones *skilled and honed techniques that tune in to each reflex point on and around your feet *and a special moisturizing foot balm treat! The first appointment is 90 minutes, for no extra charge, so we have time to discuss your current state of health and what your goals may be, and to answer questions. Thereafter, sessions are 75 minutes in length. 

  Please feel free to ask for more information if you are interested in Foot Reflexology! We can discuss how Reflexology may be incorporated into your Care Plan. This service will become available again once we have safely moved past the COVID-19 pandemic. A travel surcharge may be requested depending on distance. Gift Certificates are available!

  COST: {$65}
  

   

   

• Laughter Yoga With Neidra

  Laughter Yoga, called Hasya (laughter, humor) Yoga, is a low impact exercise program combining simulated laughter (which quickly becomes genuine laughter) and yogic breathing (pranayama). Playfulness, creativity, affirmations, and visualizations for Peace (on earth and within ourselves) are utilized during a Laughter Yoga class. {click here to go to its page for more information}

Presentations and Workshops

Education is Empowerment. Empowerment is defined as, “the process of becoming stronger and more confident, especially in controlling one’s life and claiming one’s rights.” Education is of vital importance when it comes to addressing issues surrounding life, health, death, dying, and grief. Educational outreach has been the backbone of every career I’ve ever had. Below you will see a list of presentations and workshops I currently offer, as well as other presentation topics some of my colleagues provide. Please contact Neidra to request a presentation and/or workshop for your group and for more information.

• WHAT IS A DEATH CAFE?

  At a Death Café, people (often strangers) gather to eat cake, drink tea, and discuss death. Our objective is “to increase awareness of death with a view to helping people make the most of their (finite) lives.” A Death Café is a group-directed discussion of death with no agenda, objectives, or themes. It is a discussion group rather than a grief support or counselling session. Death Cafés are respectful and confidential spaces with no intention of leading people to any conclusion, product or course of action. You will learn about its history and worldwide reach, how a typical gathering unfolds, and even participate in a mini-sized Death Café. This 30-minute presentation is followed by Q&A; Total time 60 minutes.

  COST: {FREE; 5-Person minimum}
  
  

• END OF LIFE DOULAS: WHAT WE DO TO SUPPORT THE DYING AND THEIR LOVED ONES

  End Of Life Doulas (EOLD) provide non-medical, holistic support and comfort to the dying person and their loved ones. This includes emotional, spiritual, and/or practical care as well as education and guidance. Also known as Death Doulas, we have been trained in a variety of helpful services that can support people for any amount of time from the day of diagnosis to their last breath. You will learn about these services, what an EOLD can and cannot do, and the differences between EOLDs and hospices (and how they can work together). “We’re all just walking each other home.” {Ram Dass} This 30-minute presentation is followed by Q&A; Total time 60 minutes.

  COST: {FREE; 5-Person minimum}
  
  

• STAYING AFLOAT IN THE WAVES OF GRIEF

  While there are many reasons to grieve, we will be focusing on grief resulting from the death(s) of people we have known. After a review of grief types (acute, integrated, anticipatory, and complicated), we will complete an exercise to determine our own individual grieving styles. Participants will also: explore filling in their own Tree of Legacy; identify objects that link and keep the bereaved-deceased bond alive; and be led through a guided meditation. Attendees will need 2-3 blank sheets of paper, a piece of grid paper (optional), pen or pencil, and colored pencils/pastels (optional). This 60-minute workshop includes in-class tools, resources, and emailed printable files.

  COST: {5-Person minimum; $20 each}
  
  

• CREATING A LEGACY PROJECT

  The idea of legacy may remind us of death, but it’s not about death. Legacy is about life and living. It’s about learning from the past, living in the present, and building for the future. The world isn’t connected by molecules. It’s connected by stories, traditions, memories, hopes, and dreams. We are connected by the legacies passed down from those who came before us and the legacies we pass down to those who come after us. Legacy projects can take a wide variety of forms; their content can include a few words or a vast collection. You will learn about several types of legacy projects (including many that can be done at a distance) and how to create them (examples will be shown). We will consider questions for life interviews and utilize an exercise that can help shape legacy projects. This 60-minute workshop includes in-class tools, resources, and emailed printable files. 

  COST: {5-Person minimum; $20 each}
  
  
  

This workshop, Creating a Legacy Project, was a featured “DED Talk” at the 4^th annual Death Faire in Pittsboro, NC. Read about it here:  https://www.dailytarheel.com/article/2019/10/pittsboro-annual-death-faire-1030 

 

• For presentations on Green Burial, Advance Directives, Alternative Body Disposition Practices, Home Funerals / Guides, The Art of the Obituary, Writing a Condolence Letter, and workshops on Crafting Mini-Coffins, and “Having the Conversation,” please contact Neidra